i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So much rum. So many feels.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
