yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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