good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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