ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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