Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
