Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
