so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
