im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
