I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
