I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
