Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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