Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
