Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Still dying that you shit outside
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
