You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
