her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
