I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
