Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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