I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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