No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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