You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Randomize
