remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
