so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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