lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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