she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize