This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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