You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
