College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
