last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
