Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize