so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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