we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I could make wine with my vomit
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize