im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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