I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sorry about my life...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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