what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
