but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
