I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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