remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
