Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
