I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
