i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
