if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
