fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
