Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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