JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
