I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we're chasing vodka with high fives
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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