dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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