He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
