Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
3 2 1 whiskey
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
