Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
