it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize