I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
