I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
