She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
