was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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