dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize