but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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