he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
