You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
