He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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