I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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