They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
