That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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