It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize