I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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