i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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