I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
