she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
