dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
