If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
