My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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