Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
