all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
