nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
